Dene Lindley is the author of one rather amusing book, Unlucky Alf. His pathetic life has been beset with misfortunes and bad luck. Added to this, he is blessed with being a bipolar depressive which means he swings both ways with bears whilst remaining miserable. His Headmaster described him as useless to the entire school assembly, and said that it was “… a waste of time trying to polish a turd.” This kind of encouragement helped Dene enormously, and contributed to his low self esteem, habitual nose-picking and an unhealthy obsession for gurning at ginger headed people. His wife is constantly challenged by his mood swings and cross-dressing. Life is never dull when you are around Dene, but he does have a tendency to poke people in the eye for no apparent reason, and then giggle hysterically. He would like to dedicate this book to bald men and bean-flickers.